


keep your brittle heart warm (cascade ocean wave blues come)

by canyonblu



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, it's a bit slice of life at times, technically sixth form
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28192416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canyonblu/pseuds/canyonblu
Summary: at 16, harry abruptly moves to doncaster and is apprehensive about having to fit in all over again. his worries are squelched when he meets louis tomlinson, the literal embodiment of home.but harry soon realises that the beautiful blue-eyed boy is going through battles he tells nobody about and he becomes determined to help him.tw will be added at the start of each chapter if applicable!! be safe
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54





	1. chapter one

“Welcome to our new home!” Anne singsongs, as Robin, Gemma, and Harry trail behind her, expectant. 

Harry’s family is relocating to Doncaster from Holmes Chapel as Robin found a new job that required him to move. Gemma is 20 years old, four years older than Harry, so she has already been going to University in Manchester for 2 years. The move does not really affect her, as she spends most of her time away from home anyway. Harry, on the other hand, is quite apprehensive and upset about having to move away from his friends and biological father. Anne tried to comfort him, reminding him that his exuberant personality will definitely gain him many friends. Harry hopes that is true, although deep down he knows he can be too shy around new people. School only starts in 2 weeks, so he hopes that he will be able to take these 2 weeks to settle into his new environment. 

The four of them spend the next 2 days unpacking, surprised at the sheer amount of items they owned. After 2 days of hard work, the house is starting to feel a lot more like home. Since it is the holidays, Harry decides that it will be nice to take the time to explore his neighbourhood. Back in Holmes Chapel, Harry loved taking slow walks around his neighbourhood. He loves looking at the scenery around him and appreciating the little things people often overlook.

Harry walks past several pretty houses and impressive gardens, before turning the bend. The tranquillity was interrupted by the rambunctious laughter of boys and Harry realises that there were three boys playing football in a small open field. The scene makes Harry miss his friends from home and he makes a mental note to send them a text message that night. He continues walking on when he heard a high-pitched voice call out.

“Hey! Haven’t seen you around before?”

Harry startles, not expecting it. He checks behind his shoulder just in case the blue-eyed boy was talking to someone else.

“You, silly,” The boy chuckled. “Are you new here?”

“Uh…yeah, I just moved here 2 days ago from Holmes Chapel.”

“I thought so, this town is pretty small, so everyone knows everyone. Don’t know you though!” The boy explains, not wanting to scare Harry off.

Harry let out a small laugh. He was usually shy around new people, but this boy had the ability to make him feel so comfortable in just 3 sentences.

“I’m Harry. You?”

“I’m Louis,” The blue-eyed boy replies, before yelling to his friends to introduce themselves too.

“Hey! I’m Liam, want to play footie with us?” says one of the more muscular boys, after casually kicking the ball to his other friend.

“Oh, sure! I’m not really that good though—” Harry starts.

“It’s alright! Only Louis is good really, he is the captain of the football team. But he still plays with us just for fun,” The black-haired boy spoke up for the first time. “I’m Zayn by the way, hi!”

“Hi,” Harry smiles, joining the boys on the field. He was so lucky to have met such nice people on his first proper day out.

“Yay, let’s play!” Louis chirps.

Turns out, Harry is really quite tragic at football. And true to his role as the football captain, Louis is really good. Yet, he is genuinely humble and there is not an air of arrogance about him. He spent the afternoon teaching Harry patiently and occasionally slipping in some banter here and there, never going overboard with the teasing. Harry quickly learnt that Louis is probably the type of person that could make anyone feel welcomed and at home. Just like their friend, Liam and Zayn are also very kind and funny people and spending time with them is easy and light.

The sun starts to set and the boys began walking home, sharing laughs on the way. Harry and Louis are surprised to find out that they live next to each other. Harry’s family had been so busy with unpacking over the past 2 days that they barely had the time to engage with neighbours. Liam and Zayn live on the adjacent street, 3 houses apart.

Before entering their respective houses, Louis asks for Harry phone number, so that he can contact him for future football games or hangouts. Harry feels his heart warm, touched that Louis is already including him in future plans with his friends.

That night, Louis texts him.

**Hey Harry! Nice meeting you today :)**

Harry was not expecting a message until the next time they play football, but he is really not complaining.

_Hi Louis, it was nice. Thank you for inviting me to play with your friends :)_

Louis is so easy to talk to, polite pleasantries slowly turn into casual conversation. Louis asks about Harry, and he tells Louis about his mum, his dad, his stepdad and his friends back in Holmes Chapel. He talks for a while about himself before realising that Louis never offered any information back.

Harry prompts and finds out that Louis is 17, a year older than him and attends the sixth form college he will be enrolling in this fall. He and Zayn have been friends since they were kids, and they met Liam in secondary school. He has 4 baby sisters and Harry can tell that Louis loves them with all his heart.

_Maybe that was why Louis has such a homey presence about him_ , he thought, _he must be very used to caring for others._


	2. chapter two

True to his word, Louis always invites Harry along to hang out with his friends. Lucky for Harry, they don’t always play football. Once, they rode their bikes and the boys introduced Harry to the town. They even brought him to their school as Harry wanted to see where he would be studying. Turns out, it is just a 7-minute bike ride away and the boys usually walk to school together every day. “Proper good location” Louis had joked.

Louis works part-time at the Toys "R" Us at the nearby mall, so there are days when he would be a bit more tired. On those days when they do not feel up for physical activities, they would all hang out in Liam’s house, as he has the latest video games. Liam's parents love having the boys over, and they are very kind and hospitable. 

Harry is surprised at how quickly he has gotten to know the boys. Although it has only been 2 weeks, Harry feels like he has known them for much longer. Out of the three of the boys, Harry feels the closest to Louis. Sometimes, they will hang out without the other two, as they live next to each other.

Harry is typically shyer with new people and that matches really well with Louis’ bright and warm personality. With him, things are never awkward and Harry always feels at ease. He never feels the need to rack his brain for conversation topics as their conversations always flowed naturally.

Harry tells him about his life back in Holmes Chapel, about how he used to be in a band and they were quite good. He talks about his love for singing and shares his music with Louis. Turns out, Louis liked the same music as him and sometimes they would just sit together and listen to them.

Louis feels like a long-lost friend and a breath of fresh air all at once.

\----------

It is Sunday, the day before the new school year began. Harry is a little sad, because Louis, Zayn and Liam are all in their second year of sixth form, while Harry is going to start his first. That meant Harry isn’t going to see them a lot even though they are going to the same school.

Louis reassures him that he is going to make a lot of new friends, as the people in the town are really pleasant. Louis grew up here all his life, so Harry takes his word for it. Afterall, the first 3 people he met are truly very nice.

In the morning, the boys went for a short afternoon cycle, before Liam and Zayn had to rush home for family time as it was a Sunday. Harry and Louis have no plans for the rest of the day, so Harry thought to invite Louis over to his house.

Louis was excited, but a little hesitant, as he has never been over to his house even though they are neighbours. Harry just laughed and assured Louis that his family are relaxed and nice people and that they would surely love him.

“It’s Sunday so my family is home. But you don’t have to feel awkward they’re very nice people!”

Louis walks inside Harry’s house and is greeted by the smell of blueberry muffins.

“Mum’s baking again! We are in for a treat!”

“Seems like she’s really good at it!”

“Did you mean smells like?”

Louis laughs fondly. Harry’s jokes are always so flat-out lame, but he finds himself loving it anyway.

“Is that Louis I hear!” Anne’s voice comes from the kitchen. Harry had told her that he was having a friend over, and she was excited that he was already making friends in such a short period of time.

“Yea Mum, this is Louis, our neighbour! He goes to the school that I will be going to too.” Harry says as he walks in for a hug.

“Hi Mrs Twist.” Louis says politely.

“Hi Louis, you can call me Anne. It’s really nice to meet you. Here, have a blueberry muffin.” Anne hands him a plate and Harry another. Steam is still coming out of the top of the muffin.

While coming out of the kitchen, they meet Robin, who was coming downstairs.

“And this is my stepdad.” Harry introduces as Robin pulls him in for a hug.

Louis smiles politely and greets him as well.

\----------

Harry leads Louis upstairs into his room. His room was painted baby blue, and there were many pretty fairy lights and decorations around. All his items were positioned very neatly as well. Louis was amazed. Most boys his age are terrible at keeping their rooms tidy, much less decorating it so well.

Louis finds a spot on the floor as Harry fumbles for his laptop charger. Louis’ fingers played absentmindedly with the frays of Harry’s fluffy white carpet. 

“Your stepdad seems nice. Is he nice to you?”

Louis was surprised when Robin had pulled Harry into a hug as well, it seems like Harry’s family is very loving and affectionate, even though Robin is his stepdad. However, Louis felt like you can never be too sure, so he asked.

“Yeah! Robin’s the best, really. Why?”

“Nothing, because you mentioned he is your stepdad and you know, those stereotypical stepdad horror stories just got me a little worried,” Louis jokes.

“Oh, yeah, not all stepdads are mean you know!” Harry laughs with him.

Louis smiles because Harry’s family is nice to him and he deserves it. Harry is one of the sweetest people he has ever met.

Louis picks at his blueberry muffin, eating it slowly. Harry teases Louis for eating so slowly that the piping hot muffin is cold. They spend the rest of the afternoon watching funny videos on YouTube and listening to music, just enjoying each other’s company.

Soon, it was late afternoon and Louis is due to go home to help his mum prepare food.

“See you tomorrow at 7am at the gate yeah!” Louis says. Harry is going to walk to school the next day with him, Liam and Zayn.


	3. chapter three

Liam and Zayn walk in front while Harry and Louis follow closely behind. Harry is quite nervous about his first day at his new school, and Louis is reassuring him by telling him about his good memories from his first year at the school. Harry has always struggled with a bit of anxiety throughout his life, especially among large crowds of strangers. However, there was something so soothing about the way Louis talked to him that helped him, he gave him a sense of comfort, very much like the one he feels at home.

Their school is only a 15-minutes’ walk away and they arrived with 10 minutes to spare. The older boys decide to use the extra time they have been gifted to show Harry the two most important spots in the school – the cafeteria and the sports field. They show Harry their usual spot at the cafeteria, a nice round table nearing the corner of the cafeteria. Apparently, it is a coveted spot as it provides a lot of privacy, and the boys are very proud of themselves for choosing such a prime spot.

There are quite a few students who have arrived early as well and are eating breakfast in the cafeteria. Liam and Zayn waves to some of them, happy to see their friends again after the long summer break. Louis, on the other hand, seems to know the entire school. The sheer amount of people who wanted to talk to Louis caused the other boys to have to wait for a little while as Louis mingles.

“I guess you figured by now that Louis is pretty popular. Footie captain and all!” Liam laughs.

“Yea, he has tons of friends. He always hangs with us though.” Zayn says.

Louis comes back hurriedly, a little embarrassed, apologising about the wait. The boys brush it off and they make their way to the sports field, and Harry is impressed to see that it is a full-sized football field, with an olympic-sized track framing it.

“Louis and Liam spend more time here than in their classrooms,” Zayn teases.

“Well, the field to me is like the studio to you!” Louis retorts.

Harry laughs along, inferring that Louis and Liam are stereotypical sports students who tend to neglect their studies.

\----

Soon, the bell rings and they had to go their separate ways. Harry spends the first half of the day attending orientation programmes and doing administrative things like choosing his A Level subjects and teams or clubs that he wanted to join. Despite having some stage fright, Harry has always had a keen interest in the performing arts, finding that once he got past his nerves and got into the flow, entertaining people is something he finds exhilarating. He decides to take Theatre as one of his A Level subjects and signs up for singing auditions.

During one of the orientation programmes, he sat next to a blonde Irish boy who is practically oozing with energy. He is one of those people that you heard before you saw. While waiting for the programme to start, the boy immediately turns to Harry and introduces himself.

“Hi! I’m Niall. I just moved here from Ireland.”

Harry is grateful that he initiated the conversation, as he tends to be quite nervous with new people. It seems like Niall is new to Doncaster as well, just like him. Maybe they could be friends.

“Hey! I’m Harry. I just moved here too, I used to stay in Cheshire, Holmes Chapel.”

Niall is a great conversationalist, and his energy was unparalleled. Harry finds it a little difficult to match his enthusiasm, but the other boy does not seem bothered at all. In fact, he seems to find Harry’s quieter demeanour quite endearing.

“Are you planning to join any teams?” Harry asks, hoping that he will find a friend who wanted to sing too.

“I played quite a lot of footie back in Ireland. Hoping to join the team!”

“Oh! My neighbour is the footie captain, maybe you will be friends with him.”

“Yeah maybe! I hope I get in.”

Lunch break was immediately after the programme, so Harry spends it with Niall. He thinks that they may end up being good friends.

\----

A week and a half has passed and Harry has settled pretty well into the school. He managed to get all his choices for A Levels and also auditioned and got into a band as the lead singer. Unsurprisingly, he has been hanging out with Niall a lot, especially since they had 3 out of 4 classes together. Niall managed to get into the football team as well and practice has already begun. He says that the school’s football team is quite intense, but he is learning a lot and enjoying the process.

After school, Harry wants to walk home with the other boys, but Louis had football practice and Liam had track practice. Zayn suggests that Harry can come over to the art studio to wait for them instead. After Zayn reassures Harry that he will be the only one there, Harry agrees. The art studio is at another end of the school and Harry finds himself getting lost several times before finally arriving.

“Hi Zayn. Man it was difficult to find this place!” Harry pants.

“Yeah the art studio is kind of out of the way. But I think it’s really nice because it’s peaceful so we art kids can create in peace!”

“It is really nice. Where are your art classmates?”

“It is only the first day of school, so we haven’t started our coursework yet. But I really enjoy just coming here and drawing or painting for fun. Sometimes I do my other work here too, while waiting for Louis and Liam to be done with practice.”

Harry can see why, it is truly a really nice place.

“You can come and study here too if you want! When it is nearing the submissions, it will be quite crowded though. Otherwise, it’s fine.”

“Really? Wow thanks! Did you draw this?” Harry notices a painting that is hung on the wall, with Zayn’s signature at the bottom right-hand corner. It is a stunning painting of mountains and oceans.

“Yeah. It was my final submission for exams last year!”

“It’s beautiful. What made you draw it?”

“I just really love landscape painting. The vast ocean is just so serene and peaceful. It reminds me that there is a lot more to life than our little lives, I guess. The mountains too. Well, at least that’s what I wrote on my assignment.” Zayn jokes.

“You are so talented!” Harry coos, running a finger over the dried paint.

“Why thank you Harry! I can show you more of my artwork if you want.”

Zayn shows Harry more of his art, ranging from small submissions to bigger pieces of work. He also shows him the ones he did just for fun, when he had the time to himself to just experiment. Harry praises Zayn genuinely with every piece of work, appreciating the other boy’s talent. He wonders if he should’ve put A Level Art as one of his options but decides that it was good that he didn’t as Zayn seems to have to take a lot of his personal time to work on his assignments. He seems to have no complaints though, as a glint in his eye appears whenever he talks about his art. Harry supposes he feels this way about performing as well.

Time passes quickly as they chat, and Zayn says that Louis and Liam should be done with their practice anytime soon.

“Do you wanna go to the field to wait for them? Sometimes Louis takes a while though because he is the captain so sometimes he stays behind to coach his teammates who have questions or whatever.”

“Wow, Louis sounds like a really dedicated captain.”

“He really is. He would never tell you that, because he is so humble. But I hear what his teammates say about him and he is truly a good player and a good leader. Works harder than anyone of them as well.”

“I don’t know how he does that. To me, A Levels already seem like a lot to handle.” Harry admits.

“Yeah, I have no idea too. I spend a lot of time on art, but it is one of my A Levels. Louis, on the other hand, manages to score well in school AND lead his team so well. Dude’s quite insane, you’ll see.” Zayn laughs fondly.

Harry is shocked to hear that as he had previously assumed that Louis is one of those boys who devotes their entire life to their sport at the expense of their studies. He guesses that there is still a lot to know about Louis. Good things, it seems. But Harry wanted to know everything about the blue-eyed boy. 


	4. chapter four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for child abuse!

The pace of school picks up quickly, especially for the seniors as they are taking their A Levels that year. The boys are still managing well though, and they still manage to find the time to hang out on afternoons where they do not have practice and on the weekends, after they have completed their homework. Harry, being in his first year, is still having a pretty good time exploring his new subjects and taking part in band practice. Innately family centric, he also manages to find the time to spend time with his mum and Robin, especially since Gemma has gone back to Manchester for University.

On the other hand, it is only a month into school and Louis is quite tired out. He is very used to keeping a busy lifestyle though and rarely breathes a word of complaint. He has been the soccer captain of all the teams he has been a part of since he was 13 while also ensuring that he gets top grades in school. In fact, he was one of the top students in his school for the GCSEs and he intends to keep that up for A Levels. 

While football is demanding and tough, most of Louis’ friends only have to juggle football and academics. But Louis has to keep up his weekend part-time job even during the school term in order to help with finances. Louis has 4 younger siblings, Lottie, Fizz and the twins, Daisy and Phoebe, who are 10, 8 and 5 respectively. They are adorable and truly Louis’ everything. As their older and only brother, he really doesn’t mind having to work and also help take care of them.

Sometimes, the intensity of his life does catch up to him though, and he does feel stressed and tired. Yet Louis is never one to let it show, always ensuring that the people around him are cared for, never the other way around.

Despite Louis’ busy schedule, Harry and Louis still talk every day. On terribly packed days, it would only be during their morning walks to school and late-night text conversations though. Yet, they still manage to talk about everything and nothing all at once, and they cherish every moment they get to spend together. Louis is always overly concerned for Harry, always offering his help in every aspect in an attempt to make his transition process easier.

Harry understands that Louis is a senior and also the football captain, which explains why he doesn’t have that much time to hang around. However, Louis is one to truly cherish his friends, especially Liam and Zayn, and more recently, Harry. Whenever his schedule permits him, he shows up for their activities and just spends quality time with them. Harry can tell that Liam and Zayn are very appreciative of Louis, and he knows that they try to ease his burdens if ever possible.

On a rainy Wednesday afternoon, Liam invites the boys over to his house, as football and track practice is cancelled, leaving them with spare time. While they were in the middle of their game, Louis’ phone rings and he excuses himself. Hushed whispers can be heard from the kitchen as the rest of the boys pause their video game while waiting for Louis to return.

“I’m sorry, mum. I will be back in 5.” Louis says into the phone while exiting the kitchen.

“Hey boys, sorry, mum needs help with stuff in the house so I gotta go. See you tomorrow!”

The boys nod in understanding and wave.

“Is everything okay?” Harry asks, a little worried for Louis as this has never happened before. 

“Yea. His mum just expects him to help around the house a lot. During summer it’s not too bad, as Louis doesn’t have football and school. School terms can be quite straining for him, but he always shows up to meet us anyway. So this happens sometimes” Liam says.

\-----

Louis brisk walks home, hoping his mum, or even worse, his stepdad, isn’t that annoyed with him. In-between school, football and working, he hasn’t been helping around the house as much and they haven’t been very pleased with that. Mum knows that football practice usually gets cancelled when it rains, so she called to question why he wasn’t at home to help out yet.

“Mum?” He calls out.

“You are finally home, Louis. Isn’t football practice cancelled due to the rain, where were you?”

“I was just hanging at Liam’s—”

“All you do is play, Louis. Do you know how busy I am at work? The laundry hasn’t been done in days, look at the amount of clothes we have! Isn’t laundry your job?” Mariah huffs, angrily stuffing clothes into the washing machine.

“I’m sorry mum, school has started and I’ve just been really busy with studying and football.”

“You are only good at giving excuses, you tell me that you are busy with school but when there is free time, you spend it at your friend’s house playing video games.”

Louis sighs softy, knowing it is true and he has nothing to defend himself with.

“Stop standing there uselessly! Do the laundry so I can start dinner. And come and help me with it once you are done with the laundry.”

Louis spends hours doing the laundry, as a few days of worth of laundry in a household of 7 people was a lot. Then, he proceeds to help Mariah with cooking dinner, so that they could start dinner when George returns from work. Both George and Mariah do shift work, so they rarely had dinner together with their children. Hence, it is considered important when their schedules line up and they are both free for dinner.

Over dinner, George asks the girls about their day and they listen as the girls share animatedly about what happened at school. It is no secret that Mariah and George love the girls more than Louis, but Louis tells himself that he is understands, because the girls are so cute and lovely. Besides, he is thankful that the conversation is focused on them and not on him.

He makes it to the end of dinner without drawing attention to himself. He stands up to clear the dinner table when he hears Mariah complaining to George.

“We had so much laundry to do yet Louis here was playing video games at his friend’s house. Gosh, I don’t know what to do with this boy sometimes.”

Louis bites his tongue and brings the plates to the kitchen, not wanting to hear more of the conversation. Besides, he needs to prove his worth to his parents by washing the dishes efficiently.

\-----

It is time for Mariah to leave for her night shift as a nurse at the hospital. She tucks the girls to sleep before leaving the house. Anxiety begins to grow within Louis, as he is now alone with George. George is not the biggest fan of Louis. They got along pretty well when Louis was still a small child, but as he grew up and engaged in typical mischievous antics, George grew increasingly irritated at his presence. The distinct shift happened after Louis came out to him and Mariah two years ago. Outwardly, they did not disapprove, but they waved it off as a phase in life, making Louis feel insignificant and unseen. Since then, George has unmistakably treated Louis several times worse than before, often hitting Louis over the smallest things.

Louis thinks back to Mariah’s complaint about him at the dinner table. George must be very angry with him now. He keeps all the plates in lightning speed and rushes up to his room, heart beating even faster. He pulls out his homework and starts reading, hoping that George will leave him alone if he sees that he is studying. Louis hears noises from the TV and relaxes a little, knowing that George was probably watching his sports game. Louis focuses on his textbook, knowing that he could not be behind on schoolwork.

On his fifteenth page of reading, George barges into Louis’ room without knocking.

“You piece of shit.” George holds Louis by the collar. 

Shit. His breath smelt like cheap beer.

“Who do you think you are, making your mum do the laundry by herself huh? All you know how to do is come home and eat. You fat piece of shit.” With that, George slams Louis against his wooden cupboard, causing his ribs to hit the sharp edges. Louis bites his tongue, knowing that George hated it when he cried out, disturbing the girls who were sleeping.

“As long as you are living under my roof, you better get your act together.” With a punch to Louis’ stomach, George leaves.

Louis feels his dinner pooling uncomfortably in his stomach, as he clutches it tightly, willing the feeling to go away. He sinks to the floor and allows himself a moment to recollect his emotions.

Just at that moment, he sees his phone light up with a text from Harry. They have been texting every night.

_Hey Lou, how was your day xx_

_Sad that you had to leave early :(_

Louis feels a surge of emotion rise up within him. Harry is so innocent and so sweet. He really doesn’t deserve this friendship, and he hopes that Harry never has to find out about his home life. That he never has to be tainted with the messiness that was his life. He finds himself hoping that Harry isn’t going through something like this at home. Robin does seem nice though.

**Hi harry! Yeah, my mum wanted me to help her with some stuff.**

**Did you kick Liam & Zayn’s ass on my behalf? :P **


	5. chapter five

Since his screw up a few weeks ago, Louis has been making sure that he is the perfect son. He is way ahead of his chores and he makes it a point to wake up extra early before school to make breakfast and pack the girls’ lunch boxes. Even then, Mariah and George still manage to find flaws with him. At the very least, Louis is thankful that George hasn't been as angry at him since that day. He still had to endure some slaps and shoves in the past few weeks, but it was nothing Louis could not handle.

In fact, it fuels Louis to try even harder, as he does not want to trigger George's anger and cause him harm. He cannot afford to get injured as football competitions are coming up, and he has to be in top-form for practice. He knows that he needs to get a scholarship for University and not burden his parents with the huge cost of it. He intends to get either a football scholarship or an academic one, hence he cannot give up one for the other. It is a lot of work to keep up such high standards in both fields, but Louis feels that it will be worth it.

Since football competitions are coming up soon, Louis is also trying harder to ensure that he remains in perfect shape. To others, Louis has the perfect body as he is lean and muscular, a true testament of a long-term football player. Yet the thing about Louis is, he never sees himself the way others saw him. In his eyes, he is always a few notches below what he really is. From a young age, he has always restricted his eating and exercised a lot, as he wants to be able to play football for a long, long time. George’s constant remarks about his weight over the years has also done quite a number on him, causing him to be a lot more insecure despite not having any reason to be.

Harry has realised that Louis always has to be doing something – be it studying, working part-time, practicing football, or taking care of his siblings. As a result, he has been studying with Louis quite often in order to still spend some quality time with the other boy. Louis is more than happy to study with him, and often volunteered to help Harry with his schoolwork. They took two subjects in common – English Literature and Psychology, and Louis happens to be one of the top students in his standard in those two subjects. Harry is really just content with being with Louis though, the help is just a cherry on top for him.

Louis usually goes over to Harry’s to study, as Louis’ house is usually quite disruptive. Besides, Louis wants to minimise any interaction Harry had with his stepfather, afraid of what George’s temper might make him do. It works out quite nicely as well, as Louis is able to finish his chores at home first before conveniently going next door for their study sessions.

It is a Friday afternoon and Louis has just arrived at Harry’s house after helping to prepare dinner for his siblings and helping Lottie with her science project. Harry expects him to be very tired, but there is nothing in his demeanour that hints fatigue. Instead, he greets Harry in his usual chirpy tone and quickly settles down to begin studying.

They have known each other for 2 months and there has been something on Harry’s mind that he really wants to tell Louis. He knows that Louis usually concentrates really hard during their study sessions, but he hopes that Louis will take some time to listen to him, especially since it is the end of the week.

“Lou?” Harry says softly, not wanting to rudely interrupt the other boys’ reading.

Louis hums questioningly, not looking up from his book.

“Do you have some time to talk?”

Louis immediately closes his book without hesitation and looks at the younger boys, eyes swimming with concern. Harry marvels at the way Louis will always put his friends before himself, even if it means lesser time to study.

“Is everything okay?” Louis asks.

“Yeah. I just wanted to say that you have been a really great friend, even though I’ve only known you for a short two months. I really want to keep being your friend and so I just have to tell you that I’m gay. I’ve came out to my old friends at school and I just promised myself to not hide it anymore, so yeah. I hope you’re okay with that.” Harry speaks nervously and Louis has never heard Harry speak so quickly, although that is quite a low bar for him.

“Hey, hey, of course I’m okay with that. I’m so proud of you for telling me and you’re right, you deserve to be proud of who you are,” Louis smiles encouragingly, and Harry lets out a breath he didn’t even realise he was holding.

“I’m gay too, Harry.” Harry looks up at Louis. What an unexpected turn of events.

“Oh, wow. I didn’t know that.” Harry laughs softly. “Thanks for telling me, Louis.”

“Mm, Liam and Zayn and most of my friends at school know. They are really nice people; you don’t have you worry. If you were worrying.” Louis adds.

“Yeah. My friends at home were really nice about it, and when I found out I was moving, that was one of my main concerns.”

“I understand. Of course, there will always be the kind who criticise, but what matters is that our friends accept us, yeah? We picked the right friends.” 

“Yea, yea we did. I guess I will tell Liam and Zayn when I have the opportunity.” Harry smiles, and Louis nods supportively. Out of all the scenarios that have played through his head about this moment, this far exceeds any of them. 

“Can I ask you something?” Louis asks after a pause.

“Yeah?”

“Have you told your parents?”

“Yeah, they are really supportive of me. I was a bit worried about Robin but turns out he was so lovely as well.”

“That’s good Harry. I’m happy for you.”

“What about you?”

“I told them 2 years ago. They didn’t really react much, I guess that’s a good thing.”

Harry wants to press further because Louis didn’t actually say if they were accepting nor supportive. Louis didn’t provide him any information actually. But Louis is already nose-deep in his Psychology textbook again.

\----

Since that day, Harry has felt a lot freer to be himself around Louis, knowing that Louis accepted every part of him. They continue to hang out whenever they can, and Harry finds himself loving the older boy’s company. They could have spent the entire afternoon together, but Harry still feels sad when Louis had to leave to go home or go to work. There is just something about Louis that made Harry so intrigued and yet also feel so at home. He wishes to spend every hour with him, just talking and finding out things about him. He knows that Louis is busy though, and so Harry tries to not be so needy with him. Thankfully, Louis never turns down a suggestion to hang out though.

School has been going better than ever, Harry and Niall remain very good friends, and they have also made other friends. Niall has been practicing with the football team a lot, and Louis has taken a liking to the Irish boy as well. It is difficult to not like Niall really, he is such an easy-going and lively person, an absolute delight to be around. Sometimes, Harry invites Niall to hang out with the boys, and Liam and Zayn are very welcoming toward him. Whenever their lunch breaks coincide, they will spend their lunch together and Harry thinks he is truly blessed to have met some of the nicest people in the first few months of being in Doncaster.

Football competitions are coming up, and so the team takes part in friendly competitions with other schools to prepare them further for the real matches. Louis and Niall invite the boys to one of their games, as they are playing one of the best schools in the region. Harry, Zayn and Liam are eager to support, even though it is just a friendly competition. Apparently, Liam, Zayn and Louis are always incredibly supportive of each other – Zayn and Liam always turn up at Louis’ football games, Louis and Liam always show up for Zayn’s art exhibitions and Louis and Zayn always show up for Liam’s track events.

“Sometimes, Liam takes part in 100m competitions, so the whole thing is over in like 10 seconds! But we just love supporting each other.” Zayn says, as the three of them are making their way to the stands.

“Yeah, it’s really nice of them.” Liam smiles sheepishly.

“When is your competition?” Harry asks.

“In a couple months! A little after Louis’. I am taking part in the cross-country event this time though, so at least that will last for a while.” Liam says, causing Harry and Zayn to laugh.

“Good thing football games last forever I guess.” Harry says.

  
“Oh yeah! It’s your first-time watching Louis play on the field.” Zayn says.

“He is already pretty good when we play together for fun, I bet he will smash it today.”

“Oh, you are in for a treat. Louis is proper good.” Liam praises.

Liam, Zayn and the other kids at school always spoke of Louis with such high praise and Harry really understands where they are coming from. Louis is almost unreal, the closest to an embodiment of perfection one can find, yet he still reminds so down-to-earth and his presence feels like warm fire on a cold winter day. It is hard to strike such a balance, yet Louis does it with such seeming ease.

Harry watches as Louis plays his heart out on the field, every move so well calculated yet so elegant that he makes football look like a performative sport. He watches as Louis encourages his teammates with subtle pats on the back on the field and gives pep talks during water breaks. He looks on as Louis’ coach yells at him and he sees the flash of disappointment in his blue eyes before it is replaced with a look of determination and even stronger plays on the field. Harry thinks he might take notice of Louis too much, but he can’t seem to help himself.


	6. chapter six

Harry has been attending the school’s jam band practices for a few months, and although he is a new member, they all feel that he is extremely talented. With the school’s homecoming carnival coming up, the jam band is tasked to put on a performance. Everyone agreed that Harry should lead the band in a song, to showcase his talent to the rest of the school. Harry is flattered at their faith in him, but also extremely nervous. He used to sing a bit back in his old school, but his audience never went past the double digits. This time, it would be the whole school.

When Louis first heard, he was so excited for Harry that onlookers would have thought Harry had won The X Factor or something. Subsequently, Louis spent every free period or any other free pockets of time helping Harry practice. His nerves build up as the performance comes closer, but Louis’ reassuring presence is always there to bring it right back down.

On the day of his performance, Harry thinks he might not have made it this far without Louis’ constant encouragement. He sings his heart out to “Isn’t She Lovely” by Stevie Wonder – an old tune, as it is a homecoming carnival. The rest of school is amazed at how well the new boy sang, and the audience erupted into applauses and cheers. In the front row, Louis is cheering his hardest and his entire face is beaming with pride. He looks at how much the school loved the performance by Harry, and he is happy that others see the beautiful boy for how he has always been seeing him.

  
After the carnival closes and the boys finish their respective clean-up duties, Louis meets Harry by the gate and says that he wants to bring him somewhere to celebrate his “amazing performance debut”.

“You were so good, Harry! You should’ve heard what everyone was saying, you are so good!” Louis has been repeating like a broken record as they walked down the road.

Harry blushes furiously but inwardly, he is glowing under Louis’ praise.

“Couldn’t have done it without you, Lou. Thanks for spending all your time helping me even though you are so busy.”

Louis just brushes it off as they arrive at a small ice-cream café, tucked at the corner of the road.

“My primary school coach used to bring us here after we won our games. Loved this place ever since.”

Harry’s heart flutters hearing that Louis is bringing him to a place that held such sentiments to him.

“Oh, I love the chocolate mint. But I know many people think it tastes like toothpaste.” Louis laughs. “The other flavours are pretty good as well.”

“Aw, I love chocolate mint as well! Those people are just haters!”

“Really? That’s great. Let me treat you because you were fantastic today.” Louis grins, petting Harry’s hair.

Harry goes to sit down, as Louis comes back with a plate of waffles with chocolate mint ice cream and one set of cutleries.

“Aren’t you eating, Lou?”

“Nah, I’m not hungry.”

“But you said you loved chocolate mint! Have some of mine then.”

“Okay. If you can’t finish it.”

Harry makes sure to leave half a waffle and a generous amount of ice-cream for Louis, but Louis only picks at it a little.

  
“Eat more, Lou.”

“It’s okay. Football competitions are coming up, so I can’t eat that much. You eat! You are the amazing one today.” Louis turns the attention back to Harry, as always.

Harry concedes, and happily chews on his food.

“Thanks for bringing me here, it’s such a nice place.”

“I know, right? My coach really knew what’s up.”

“I really like hanging out with you, Lou.” Harry says nonchalantly, as he cuts his waffle, not realising the weight of his words.

“I hope we hang out more then.” Louis grins, almost flirtatiously.

  
It is no secret that Harry has a small crush on Louis, always had since the first day they met. Louis gives him butterflies in his stomach, yet also feels like home. He never thought that Louis would reciprocate his feelings. Especially since the more he knew about Louis, he realised that the other boy is so busy with all aspects of his life, a teenage relationship must be the last thing on his mind. Yet, Louis is always hanging out with him, spending all his free time with him, and now suggesting they hang out more?

“Yeah, let’s, but it’s okay if you’re busy though.”

“I know, but it’s never stopped me from spending time with you, yeah? Because you’re worth it.” Louis is definitely flirting now.

“Aww, thank you for making me feel so important.”

“You are, Haz. Will you let me take you on a proper date some time? This is not counted.”

If Harry thought he was blushing before on the way here, his face must be crimson red now.

“Really?”

“Really.”

\---

The next Saturday morning, Louis brings Harry to a small café that he always saw when he went to work nearby, but never went in. They share blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs, before going on a walk in the park. The weather is a little chilly, in a way that is nice. They spend the whole time having easy conversation, sharing about themselves back and forth. They listen attentively to every word the other said, as they are interested in everything the other have to say.

Soon, Louis has to leave for his part-time job which began at 3pm. They had spent a good 4 hours together, just enjoying each other’s company without the usual distraction of homework, football, or video games. And they think that they might enjoy this type of hangouts more, just having 100% of each other’s attention.

Before parting, Louis takes Harry’s hand.

“Harry, I really like you. Do you like me?”

And shit, Harry really never stood a chance against his beautiful boy’s charm.

“Of course I like you, Lou.”

“No, as in, in that way?”

As if Harry hadn’t been so obvious over the past few months.

“Yes, Lou. I like you, in that way.”

Louis visibly relaxes and a grin breaks out on his face.

“Oh. I’m so glad I did not read this wrongly.” Louis laughs.

“I thought I was being so obvious!”

“You were. But I didn’t want to be too sure.”

“I didn’t know you felt the same way though.” Harry admits.

“Really? I spend all my time with you! All my free time at least.” Louis laughs again, feeling so so relieved.

And that Harry did pick up on.

“Are we boyfriends?”

“I guesso? Yes? Will you be my boyfriend, Harry?” Louis fumbles a little, and Harry finds it so endearing that Louis Tomlinson, confident captain of the football team, was fumbling.

“Yes, yes, yes.”


	7. chapter seven

Football competitions are commencing in 1 weeks’ time, and Louis is training harder than ever. He has practice up to 5 times a week, and that is on top of the crushing workload of being an A Level student. Harry can tell that Louis is feeling a little more tired because it is becoming visible, not just something Harry can pick up on upon close scrutiny. Still, Louis is upbeat and caring as ever, and in the 2 weeks of being Louis’ boyfriend, Harry has never felt neglected or even second place to football or A Levels. Louis is amazing like that.

It is a Wednesday, and they are walking home together after Louis’ football practice and Harry’s band practice.

“Football competition is starting next week. About 4 days left.”

“I know. I’m sure you’re going to do great!” Harry tries to reassure as it seems like Louis is worried about that.

“I hope so. I might not be as free to hang out because of that. As in, I will be free sometimes, but I’m scared that I will be really tired all the time, and not a joy to be around. I don’t think you want that.”

“That doesn’t matter. I wanna hang out with you all the time. Not just when you’re a bundle of joy.” Harry says, wondering if Louis really feels unworthy to be around when he isn’t at his best energy.

“Awww.” Louis flirts, before turning serious again. “I thought we could hang out properly over this weekend or something. I end work at 9pm on Saturday though. Maybe Sunday? But I know you go to church sometimes.” 

“You could stayover at my house on Saturday, actually. If you want.” Harry offers, knowing that Louis is feeling bad about having to work on Saturdays instead of spending it with him.

“Wait, really? Wouldn’t your mum and stepdad mind?”

“No, I just need to tell them. And they sleep at 1am, so we have to be quiet after that.”

“That’s great! That actually sounds so good.” Louis smiles.

\--

Louis reaches Harry’s house at 11pm, as he needed to go home after work to finish up some chores and shower. Anne and Robin are still awake, cuddled up on the couch, watching reality TV. Louis greets them politely and engages in some small talk with Anne before running up to Harry’s room. They cuddle as they watch “girly films” like “Black Swan”.

“That ended up being not that girly, quite rude, and quite violent.” Louis remarks as the credit scene rolled.

“Eh, it was good though.”

It was almost 1am, which means that Anne and Robin have gone to bed. They decide to creep down to the kitchen to make some sandwiches, as Louis has not eaten due to work and Harry is hungry again. Harry is eager to let Louis rest as he does all the domestic work in the kitchen, and Louis fights his urge to protest. He is not used to being pampered, since he is not allowed to be this way at home. Louis thinks that Harry takes care of him so well, even though he is the younger one.

While waiting, Louis looks at Harry’s fridge, which has family photos pinned to it with cute heart-shaped magnets. Most of them are of Anne, Harry and Gemma when they were younger, but a lot of them include Robin as well. And in every photo, they look really happy together.

“Harry, do you mind if I ask about your birth father?”

“Oh, mum and dad got divorced when I was 7. I still keep in touch with him though, he is a really nice person. But since we moved here, I haven’t really had the chance to see him. I call him sometimes. But yeah. I miss him.” Harry says, flipping the ham over.

“I hope you get to see him soon.”

“Mm.”

“Robin seems nice though. Is he?” This is the second time Louis has asked that, so Harry raises an eyebrow at him, but chooses to reassure him still.

“Yeah, he is. My mum started dating him 6 years ago, so we are pretty close already. I’m glad to have him.”

Harry comes back with two plates of piping hot sandwiches with melted cheese oozing out at the sides.

“Wow, this looks so good, Haz.” Harry blushes at the nickname.

“I was thinking of telling mum and Robin. You know, about us.”

Louis almost chokes on his first bite.

“W-Wait. So soon?”

A flash of hurt crosses Harry’s face, as he tries to explain.

“I don’t like to keep stuff from them. Why, do you not want me to tell them?”

“No, no. Sorry that came out wrong. I just, will they be happy about that? Like, we’re still young and stuff.”

“In my family we share with each other about these things before they even happen. Gemma used to tell us about her crushes all the time and she would update us the moment they got together. I haven’t because you live next door so I thought it’d be a little awkward if they met you. But now that we’re dating…”

“Oh, oh, okay.” Louis tries to calm himself down to think. “As long as they’re okay. But yeah, we live next door. I’m scared our parents will talk or something. Do they?”

“You don’t want your parents to know?” Harry says.

“Obviously not.”

And Harry feels hurt and can no longer mask his emotions.

“What? Why? Wait is this just for fun to you or…because—”

“Harry what? No. I am serious about this. I know we are young but I’m serious as I can get. But I can’t tell my parents. That’s final. You can tell yours. Just make sure they don’t tell mine.”

Louis seems to be getting agitated and Harry regrets bringing this topic up at all.

“Okay I’m sorry. Don’t get upset.”

Louis looks at Harry, hurt evident all over his face. This is not how tonight is supposed to go, they were supposed to have a good time together, before Louis has to sell his soul to football for the next month. Louis knows he can’t let Harry end the night thinking that he is ashamed of him and their relationship. Or that he isn’t serious about him. No, not when Harry means so, so much to him.

Louis takes a deep breath and breaks the silence.

“No, I am the sorry one. I didn’t mean it that way. I just…my parents won’t be too happy.”

“They don’t want you to be dating?”

“I guess? Because it means I will have less time to study, play football and help around the house. They get quite angry when I don’t do well and help them out. Because I have 4 little sisters, as you know.”

“If you prove to them that it doesn’t affect your lifestyle?”

“Err, they won’t believe me. I think. And I screw up a lot, so they will just blame it on you. And I don’t want that. Yeah. And also, they aren’t really happy that I’m gay.” Louis fiddles around with his sandwich, tearing small bits off and putting it in his mouth.

“Oh Lou, your parents don’t accept you for being gay? You didn’t tell me, the other time.”

“I mean…they didn’t kick me out of the house or anything. But they told me that it’s probably just a phase and that I will get over it soon. And since then, George started to hate me a lot more. He didn’t really like me before anyway, but I think when I came out, it definitely became worse. Yeah.”

“Who’s George?”

“My stepfather.”

“You never told me you had a stepfather.”

“I guess it just didn’t come up.”

“And your birth father?”

“I dunno. Left. Mum said he didn’t want me anymore.”

Harry’s heart clenches, hearing Louis talk about himself like this, but so nonchalantly.

“And George is mean to you?”

“He doesn’t like me that much. I am not his after all. The girls are. Think he would like me better if I weren’t gay though. But yeah, it is what it is. At least he provides for me.”

“I’m sorry, Lou. You deserve better.”

“Nah. It’s alright. Because of George I have 4 lovely sisters though. I love them a lot.”

“You are a great brother.”

“You don’t know that.” Louis says, playfully.

“I do. You are amazing. You don’t know that.”

Louis smiles and they fall into comfortable silence as they finish up their meal.

Later on, Louis and Harry are cuddling in bed, Harry’s head is snuggled into Louis’ chest as Louis brings him close.

“Lou?” Harry almost whispers into Louis’ chest. “Can you promise to tell me stuff?”

“What stuff?” Louis says, confused.

“Like, stuff about your birth father and your stepfather? And them not treating you well?”

“Oh.”

“Don’t keep it in, just tell me okay? I care about you.”

“Oh. Oh, okay. I will try.”

“Don’t make it seem like a chore?” Harry says, but his tone is kind.

“It’s not, it’s not. I’m just not used to doing that I guess.” Louis contemplates. “But yeah. I will try, Haz, for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope y'all picked up on the fetus larry date reference hahaha :) thanks for reading!


	8. chapter eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw child abuse, be safe!

Carefully, Louis pushes open the front door, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to himself. Louis is unable to keep track of George’s erratic work schedule. So, he has learned to be careful every time he is home, wanting to make sure there isn’t a good reason to set him off.

Upon entering the house, he sees George lying lazily on the couch. George’s attention averts to Louis, and he suddenly sits straight up while yelling “You are finally home! Didn’t I specifically ask you to clean the windows and do the laundry yesterday? Can you do anything right?”

Louis’ eyes widens as he mentally berates himself. Football practice ran late yesterday as they are having their competitions now and he had to stay up late to finish his homework, after which, he passed out immediately out of sheer exhaustion. He had completely forgotten about the chores George ordered him to do that morning before he left for school.

“I’m so so so sorry!! Practice ended late and—”

“Please! All you do is give excuses for being so useless. You have your football practice, and I don’t have work? I work all day to give you such a good life and yet you cannot return the favour just a little by helping around the house?”

“I really didn’t mean to forget. I will do it right now—” Louis tries to appease.

George is not having it. He is already unbuckling his belt while speaking.

Panic rises up within Louis. _No no no, not again._ _Not while he is having football competitions._ He thinks back to the first time George had gone too far. It was 2 weeks after he had come out and he had messed up dinner preparation, causing George to have nothing to eat when he came back from his shift. George had been seething mad and punched and kicked him relentlessly until he had gone pliant on the floor. His sides and stomach had hurt so badly that he was unable to perform well at football practice the next day. His coach had been so upset with him for ruining the gameplay that he was punished to run 20 laps around the field. Ever since then, he promised himself to be extra careful, especially during football competition season, so that his performance does not have to be affected.

_So why did he have to be so stupid to forget his chores?_

“No, no, dad, I’m sorry, please don’t punish me!” Louis backs against the wall in fear, hoping that George will change his mind.

“And why? Did you forget to do the chores I asked you to do?”

“Y-yes”

“Then don’t you deserve to be punished?” George snarls, as the first blow of the belt lands on Louis’ thighs.

Louis bites the inside of his lip to prevent from crying out. George hates it when he made any noise.

“Yes, dad. I’m so sorry.”

George continues to rain lashes on him, while hurling insults about how useless and disappointing Louis is.

Instinctively, Louis tries to protect himself by curling in on himself, bringing his knees to his chest. George does not like it and starts to whip at his back instead.

Louis tries his best to be quiet, but he cannot help the occasional cry that leaves his lips when the belt buckle collides with his skin. Not long later, Louis finds himself crying involuntarily, as he feels his skin break under the whips and pain and guilt overtakes his entire conscience.

George lets out a cold laugh at Louis’ tears, scoffing “Ha, you are crying? Boys don’t cry, get it together.” As a punishment, he sends a few kicks to Louis’ sides and leaves the house.

Louis takes his first proper breath in ages when he hears the door click shut, indicating he is safe. For now.

He angrily wipes his tears away, angry at himself for allowing himself to show such weakness in front of George and causing himself to get punished more. He tries to compose himself, as self-deprecating words kept running through his mind, like a broken record.

_You need to be better. Why are you so useless? You need to stop screwing up. You owe George for what he has done for you, you need to stop screwing up. You can’t chase him away because of your laziness. Mum and the girls are going to hate you!_

Louis tries to get up but felt his entire body ache in pain. Shit, he can’t be badly injured. Their second match is in 2 days and he needs to be in top form for it. Coach is going to be so mad if he shows up to practice tomorrow off-form. Louis scurries to find the first aid box, and gingerly applies medication to the welts on his upper thighs, hissing when the medication touches his open wound. He tries to reach for his back but finds it difficult to attend to his injuries properly. Some parts are bleeding as the belt buckle had relentlessly hit the same spots. Usually, he would just attend to the wounds to the best of his abilities. He would never ask for others to help him, not wanting them to have to see his disgusting wounds and tend for it. But he needs it to get better before practice tomorrow and the match the next day. He cannot let these injuries affect his football career.

Sighing, he thinks of the person he trusts the most – Harry. Even though Louis had told Harry that George didn’t really like him, he didn’t go into the details, not wanting the younger boy to worry about him. He remembers what Harry said that night, about promising to tell him stuff. Louis is at an internal war – he didn’t want to tell Harry about how bad the situation is. Harry isn’t responsible for him and he is too sweet to get entangled in his mess. Harry deserves so much better.

Yet, he desperately needs to treat his wounds properly, as he cannot risk performing badly at practice. Harry makes him feel safe and he knows Harry will not judge him. And that he would gently help him. Harry’s touches didn’t hurt, and Louis isn’t afraid of him. Harry is the only person Louis could trust to touch him at a time like this.

Eventually, he gives in and sends a quick text to Harry, asking if he is free to come over.

He is worried that Harry would find it weird and ask many questions, seeing as he has never been over at Louis’ before. But his phone beeps immediately, with a notification that says “Sure Lou, be right there xx”

Louis sighs in relief. He does not deserve someone as good as Harry.

\----

“Hey Lou!” Harry’s chirpy voice fills the air.

“Up here!” Louis calls out, steadying his voice.

Loud footsteps resound through the house before Harry is right in front of him, smiling. Louis has cleaned himself up a bit. Nobody could have guessed he was just being abused and was crying on the floor 10 minutes ago. That is the scary thing about Louis – how easy it is for him to put on his façade and pretend nothing is wrong.

  
Except, Louis has to tell Harry what is wrong, for him to be able to help.

“Hey love,” Louis says softly. “How was school today?”

“Oh. School was okay! We had science lab today and my classmate, Colin, almost caught his pencil case on fire! Thank God his lab partner was quick to react.” Harry shares, chuckling a little.

Louis let out a laugh, before wincing. It seems like his sides were starting to bruise.

Harry grows concerned. “Hey are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Louis sighs. He was really hoping to drag this out as much as he could, not wanting to deal with the younger boy’s pained eyes. But there they are, staring right back at him already. Great. He hasn’t even gotten to the worst part.

“Um…I forgot to do the laundry and clean the windows. George got angry. It’s really my fault though, I forgot to do such a simple thing…”

“Are you okay?” Harry’s green eyes grows with worry.

“Um…yeah, but…”

Louis’ eyes flicker to the bandages and medication lying at the edge of his table and comprehension fills Harry’s face.

“Lou, did he hurt you? Does he hurt you?” And, oh. Harry is too young to be so understanding about everything.

Louis bites his lip, giving a curt nod.

“Oh Lou, you didn’t deserve to be hurt, you know that right? It’s not your fault.”

“No, it really was my fault though. He told me to do it yesterday morning and I stupidly forgot because I was so tired after football and homework. It just completely slipped my mind, oh god I am so usel—”

“Don’t you dare say that Lou!!! You are NOT useless!” Harry exclaims, shocked to hear Louis speak of himself in such a manner. Louis is usually always so self-assured and confident.

Louis flinches and shrinks in on himself involuntarily. Usually, he is able to mask his fear of conflict but it all just seems so fresh in his mind right now.

“Sorry.” He breathes. 

“No, no, don’t be sorry,” Harry’s voice is gentle again. Although he is still shocked at Louis’ words and wants to demand for answers, he knows it is not the right time for that now. At this moment, Louis needs someone to take care of him. 

“Where are you hurt?”

Oh yes. The reason why Louis called him over. Dread fills him as he realises he is going to have to show Harry his wounds. Nobody should be subjected to seeing them.

“He just hit me a couple times but…if you don’t mind could you help me apply medicine to my back? I couldn’t reach and I have training tomorrow so I really need it to heal a little by tomorrow.” Louis rambles.

“Of course Lou, let me take care of you.” Harry is so sweet.

“Thank you so much Harry,” Louis says sincerely, grabbing the first-aid box from the bathroom and handing him the ointment with some bandages.

“I’m so sorry you have to do this,” Louis says as he slowly lifts his shirt up, avoiding all eye contact with Harry.

Harry lets out a gasp, before slapping his palm over his mouth. Louis has only mentioned that his stepdad is _kind of_ mean to him. But this? This is abuse! Does Louis see it?

Louis looks down and realises that his sides are starting to purple. Shit, this is going to impede him on the field tomorrow.

“Yeah, um. I can deal with that myself,” Louis says, gesturing to the purple bruise. “Please just help me with my back?”

“Of course, Lou. Let me take care of you,” Harry repeats, sadness dripping from his voice. Louis mentally scolds himself. He shouldn’t be putting him in such a position.

“Just lie down on the bed, yeah? Slowly please.”

_How is the younger boy so good at knowing what to do?_ Louis lies down on his bed, careful to avoid his bruised side. Harry’s eyes widens as he sees the angry criss-cross lines on his boyfriend’s back. There is blood on some of them.

“Lou… You said that he is mean to you, but this…this is not normal, this is abuse! Does he do this often?” The words tumble out before Harry can stop himself.

He watches as Louis physically deflates, letting out a loud sigh.

“Harry, please. Can we not?”

Harry sighs, knowing that Louis would have had this reaction. 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Harry says, voice soft.

“Thank you for helping me, Harry.” Louis says, voice muffled, with a hint of embarrassment.

“Shhh, stop thanking me, Lou. I am your boyfriend, I want to help you.”

Harry dabs some medication into a cotton bud and starts to dab at Louis’ wounds. Louis squeezes his eyes shut and bites his lips, willing himself not to make a sound.

At a particularly deep wound, Louis can’t help but let out a wince, as he feels his eyes water. It could have gone unheard, but Harry notices everything about Louis.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No, no, please continue. Get it over with.” Louis speaks through clenched teeth.

Harry frowns but continued on, heart aching everytime he touches Louis’ wounds, knowing the older boy is in pain. Harry is surprisingly skilled, and Louis is patched up in 20 minutes. He even insisted on treating the bruises on his sides, despite Louis’ protests that “he could reach it himself”.

Louis thanks him profusely before standing up, redressing himself, and keeping the first-aid box. He then starts packing clothes into the laundry basket and carries it out of the toilet. He moves so quickly, as if he is not injured.

“What are you doing, Lou? You shouldn’t be carrying stuff in this state.” Harry says.

“Harry, I need to do the laundry and clean the windows. George is going to be back anytime soon and I need it done if I don’t want a repeat of this.” Louis says, gesturing to his upper body.

“You are in no state to be doing household chores now Louis!”

“What choice do I have? It’s my job to help around the house but I forgot. And it’s the reason why I got punished in the first place.”

Louis is losing his patience, but still tries his best to speak in an even tone. Harry doesn’t deserve his bad attitude, he just helped him treat his wounds. Nobody should have had to do that, but Harry did.

Harry sighs and gives in, not wanting to fight with Louis.

“Okay. At least let me help you.”

Louis knows Harry wants to talk about it, and he knows he is being difficult. He feels bad but he knows that Harry does not deserve to be part of this whole mess.

Louis watches as Harry helps him to gather more clothes into the laundry basket.

At least amidst said mess, Louis has something to be thankful for - such an understanding boyfriend whom he did not deserve.


	9. chapter nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: implied/referenced child abuse, be safe!

The next day, Louis is his usual self, happy and bubbly and ever so charming. It is as if the previous days’ tears and angst did not occur. Harry, on the other hand, is particularly worried. He can’t stop thinking about Louis and how he is hurting and that causes him to be extra vigilant to his boyfriend.

During lunch break, Harry watches as Louis laughs with the other boys. He watches closely as Louis makes a witty joke at just at the right time, causing the whole table to laugh. Harry watches as Louis laughs and smiles, constantly entertaining the lunch table. There is nothing fake about it at all – as with everything Louis did, he is genuine. How does he do this?

He does notice that Louis seems to be eating quite little though. His sides must be hurting him and making it difficult to eat and Harry worries, knowing that Louis needs the energy for football season.

After school, Harry rushes to Louis’ classroom, wanting to be close to him especially knowing what the boy is going through on the inside.

“Hey Haz!” Louis greets in a bright voice.

“Hi Lou, do you wanna come over to my place to study?”

“Would love to, but you know I have football practice.”

Harry knows, but he had just assumed that Louis isn’t going due to what happened the day before.

“You are still going?”

“Yeah, why not? Competition’s coming up soon!”

“Lou, you’re hurt.” Harry says in a low voice.

Louis made direct eye contact with him for a split second before looking away, as if warning Harry to not talk about it. Especially not in school.

“Well, yeah. I’m going. You can sit at the stands and do your homework though if you want? Then we can go home together. How’s that, love?” Louis tries to amend.

“Yeah alright.” Harry pouts.

\----

It is not uncommon for students to hang out at the stands while the football team practice. For many, it is just a common spot for them to hang-out and talk loudly without being scolded by teachers. However, there are a few groups of girls who are notorious for hanging out there just to look at the boys. He heard that Niall is very popular among them. Well, who wouldn’t love Niall?

Harry finds a shady spot and makes himself comfortable. He takes out _The Great Gatsby_ , hoping to finish his readings for that day, although he knows that he will probably spend all of his time staring at Louis. Usually, he would be admiring Louis’ beauty and football skills. But today, he will be watching out for him. Harry has no idea how Louis intends to play with his injuries. Especially since Louis told him that practice is more intense when competitions are coming up.

Harry opens his book, reading the words but not understanding them. His mind is too cluttered with worries. Eventually, he just sets his book down and looks at the field. They have just completed their warm-up and ball drills and were diving straight into gameplay. Louis, as the captain, is one of their best and most important players. This meant that he is on the field most of the time, with little time for cool-downs. Harry watches as Louis runs as swiftly as ever, executing perfect play after perfect play. If he is in pain, nobody would be able to tell. 

Harry watches as Louis receives the ball and suddenly, Louis’ teammate, comes charging at him, intending to intercept the ball away. However, he misses and crashes straight into Louis from behind instead. Louis stumbles and almost falls but manages to regain his balance. His face contorts into a pained wince, and Harry remembers the angry lines on his boyfriends’ back. His teammate had landed so hard on them that Louis must be in a lot of pain right now. Harry resists every urge to rush up to interrupt practice and run up to take care of him, but he knows he cannot do that. Instead, he watches Louis take a deep breath and his facial expression turns back to normal almost immediately. All of this while not losing handle of the ball.

Harry is floored. The way Louis behaves all day at school is as if the previous day did not happen. From lunch break to football practice, it is as if Louis is wearing a firm mask that only slipped for a moment when his teammate collided harshly into him.

\---

Harry and Louis are walking home after school and Louis is sharing with Harry about something funny that happened in his Psychology class that day. Harry laughs, although it came out a bit half-hearted. Harry has never been good at hiding his feelings, especially his worries.

“Are you okay Haz?” Louis makes eye contact with him, concerned.

How can Louis still be worrying about him?

“Lou, are YOU okay?” Louis drops the eye contact almost instinctively, choosing to stare at the floor instead.

“Yeah, why? All’s good Haz.” Louis replies, tone coming out a bit more impatient than he would have liked.

Harry sighs, not wanting to annoy Louis but also not wanting Louis to always have to keep everything bottled up. If he goes on like this, Harry fears that he will surely break, and there will be no fixing him then.

“Are your wounds still painful?”

Louis lets out a heavy breath. As usual, he wants to avoid burdening other people with his problems. But in a moment of weakness, he had asked for Harry’s help yesterday and the boy is too sweet to just ignore what happened. He looks at Harry’s wide eyes, swimming with concern and he feels that he owes Harry a proper answer, instead of dodging the topic again.

“They are alright. Terrance crashed into me on accident just now, it was a little painful. But thank you for helping me yesterday.”

Louis has thanked Harry at least 12 times since and he does not seem to have any intention of stopping. It baffles Harry why Louis finds asking help from his own boyfriend such a big deal. It was their job to love and care for each other after all, no?

“I saw! You looked like you were in great pain, Lou. Why did you go for practice today?” Harry asked, sad.

“I’m the captain, Harry,” Louis states, matter-of-factly. “It is my responsibility to be there. Plus, competition season is coming up and we really need to be at our top form. Can’t afford to miss a training.”

“You won’t be at your top form if you can’t heal properly. Please Lou, don’t go tomorrow.”

“I’m really fine. It doesn’t hurt that much. I’m used to it.” Louis curses himself for letting the last sentence slip out, hoping that Harry will not pick up on it. But Harry doesn’t just pick up on it, he harps on it.

“What? You mean this happens all the time? You are used to it? Lou! He is hurting you! You need to tell someone!” Harry yells, and Louis is thankful they are having this conversation on an open street where nobody is around. Actually, he isn’t thankful that they are having this conversation at all.

“Okay, Harry, look. You can’t tell anyone, okay? Mum cannot find out.”

“Your mum doesn’t know?”

“Yes, and I have no intention of letting her know. So please Harry, drop it okay?”

Harry knows he can’t overstep his boundaries. But he is Louis’ boyfriend after all, and he deserves to be in the know.

“Okay. But can you promise to at least tell me? I want to take care of you.”

Harry’s words are almost identical to those he said 2 nights ago.

“I can take care of myself love,” Louis chuckles.

“I don’t doubt that. But I want to take care of you. Okay?”

Louis sighs. Harry is too sweet, and Louis wants to keep him around for a long, long time. Unloading all his problems is definitely not the way to do that though.

“Okay, Haz.”

“Do you want me to help to apply medication on your back again?”

Louis thinks about how he literally felt some of his wounds reopen when Terrance crashed into him at such a high impact. He sighs as he feels the stinging pain coursing through his body. He knows that he still needs to tend to his wounds that night, but he did not want to bother the younger boy again. But here he is, offering his help before Louis could even open his mouth.

“Actually…yeah that would be great.” Louis says in a small voice, before increasing his volume. “I’m sorry for bothering you again, Harry. I’m really sorry.”

“Lou…no apologising okay?”

“Yes, okay, okay. My stepdad might be home, if he is, follow my lead, okay?”

Harry nods and follows Louis into his house. Unfortunately, George is once again on the couch, this time already with a beer in his hand. Harry doesn’t miss Louis’ small flinch when he opened the door and saw him there. Louis regains his composure and puts on a small smile.

“Hi dad. My friend is just here to take some stuff for our school project. He will be gone soon.”

George doesn’t even spare Louis and Harry a glance, and instead just lets out a grunt of approval. As Louis and Harry scurry past the living room to go to up the stairs, they hear George shout at Louis.

“You better hurry up and finish your business! Dinner will not serve itself. And your sisters need some help with their schoolwork as well. Been looking for you all day but you came home so late.”

Harry frowns, everything that George is saying just did not sit right with him. _Wasn’t it a father’s duty to prepare food and help his children with work? Even Robin helps him with his homework whenever he could._

He frowns further when he sees panic overtake Louis, and at how small Louis sounds when he replies with a simple “Yes, dad”.

Back in Louis’ room, Louis passes Harry the first-aid box wordlessly, not making eye-contact with him.

“Lie down, Lou.”

Louis complies, and Harry lifts up his shirt slowly. Despite so much care, Harry still hears Louis gasp a little, as some parts of his shirt are sticking to the blood from his newly opened wounds. Harry’s heart breaks further as he realises that Louis’ injuries look even worse than the day before and his sides were still purplish-blue. There are also some old scars that he did not notice the day before littered all over his body. He really wonders how Louis managed to get through football practice that day. And all the other days before.

“Lou, I don’t think you should’ve gone for practice.” Harry says as he slowly dabs the medication.

“It’s okay, Harry. Don’t worry about me.”

“How can I not? You are being hurt in your own house.”

Louis suddenly attempts to jerk upright, before falling back on the bed again.

“Harry, shh. Please. He can’t know you know.” Louis whispers.

Harry immediately stops talking, not wanting Louis to get into further trouble with George. He quickly patches up Louis’ wounds, knowing that Louis is on a time limit.

“Thank you so much, Haz. I owe you so much. Sorry for burdening you.” Louis says in a low voice.

“Never a burden.” Harry reassures, kissing Louis softly on the forehead.

Louis blushes and Harry can tell that he doesn’t believe any good thing Harry has to say about him. And Harry just wishes that one day, Louis will be able to see himself how he saw him.


	10. chapter ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw includes a scene of homophobia & child abuse

Louis escorts to the door and as soon as Harry leaves, Louis springs into action, knowing there is no time to waste. As Louis prepares dinner, he calls for Lottie and Fizz to come to the kitchen to do their homework, so that he was able to help them with it at the same time. The twins, still very young, wanted to join their siblings in the kitchen as well so Louis had to coax them away and distract them with toys in the living room where George could keep an eye on them.

Lottie is 10 years old and starting to have more trouble with some of the math concepts at school. Louis has been trying to teach her slowly, using real-life examples so that she will understand better. She has been improving and Louis can see it in her homework today. Fizz, on the other hand, is really bright. When asked, Louis would say that she is probably the brightest among all of them. But she struggles a bit with writing and expressing, and so Louis tries to help her by inspiring her and finding books for her to read. Louis is just what everyone needs him to be and he fits into every role perfectly.

“Lou, what are we having tonight?” Lottie asks, distracted from her math homework.

“I was thinking pasta? You girls love that right?”

“Yes!” Fizz and Lottie both exclaim.

“Can we have the cream sauce one today?” Lottie says.

“With the mushrooms and ham like you did it that time?” Fizz adds.

“Sure, sure, anything you want.” Louis laughs and goes to the fridge to take the ingredients.

“Yay love you!” The girls exclaim.

“I love you too.” Louis smiles genuinely.

He shuffles quickly about the kitchen quickly tending to the different ingredients and between his two sisters. He feels a dull pain coursing through his body from his wounds and bruises from his stepdad and muscle aches from training so frequently. There is no doubt that he is completely exhausted, but when he sees his sisters like this, he thinks it is worth it, at least they are happy.

***

Louis eats three mouths of the pasta he prepared and decides it is enough. He sets aside a full plate of spaghetti and puts it in the microwave, so that Mariah would be able to eat it immediately after her shift, before quickly retiring to his room. He has plenty of schoolwork to catch up on as football trainings have been taking up a huge chunk of his time. Internal exams are after football competitions, so he knows that no matter how tired he feels, he cannot let himself fall behind on his academics.

Mid-way through his essay, he vaguely registers Mariah unlocking the front door and the girls running downstairs to greet her. Louis hopes that dinner is enough for her, but he doesn’t budge from his seat. Then, he hears George’s footsteps coming up the stairs and his heartbeat quickens. Rationally, he knows George will not do anything as extreme as his entire family is downstairs. But his body has built-up a flight or fight response toward George after all these years of abuse.

George unlocks Louis’ door and Louis tries his best to keep writing, wanting George to see that he is working hard at school and not being useless, which is his perception of him.

“So, what’s the deal with that boy huh? You barely have friends over.”

That’s true, Louis rarely invites his friends over. He is always over at Liam’s and Zayn’s instead because their homes feel so much safer.

“Nothing, dad. He is just my group project mate at school, and he came over so I could pass him some documents.” Louis turns around and looks at George briefly, before turning back to his essay.

“You needed so long to pass him some stuff?” George snarls. “And you look at me when I talk to you, you shit!”

Louis snaps his head back, not wanting to trigger George’s anger further.

“You better not be doing anything, you understand me?” George says, closing Louis’ door behind him. _Shit, shit shit._

“None of that gay stuff under my roof. Wanna do it, do it out of my sight, you clear?” George says with a low, threatening voice, grabbing Louis hard by the arm, forcing them to come eye-to-eye with each other.

“Yes, yes, I understand.” Louis says submissively.

With that, he shoved Louis against his cupboard causing his back to collide with the sharp edge of the handle and left. At the sound of the click of the door, Louis crumples to the ground, reeling from the pain of his wounds being hit so roughly. His breathing is still ragged, and he tucks his knees under his chin and hugs them, hoping to calm himself down quickly.

This is the first time George had explicitly talked about his sexuality ever since he came out to them 2 years ago. Since that day, his parents never mentioned it again and while their nonchalance hurt a lot, Louis was thankful that they didn’t react in worse ways. But here is explicit proof that George does not approve of him. Louis tries to tell himself that the ache in his heart is not because of that. That he isn’t affected by what his stepfather thinks of him. That after all, he has never been a true father to him and so his opinion doesn’t matter.

At that moment, Mariah opens his door just slightly, not enough to see the state that Louis is in.

“I’m home. Remember to prepare the girls’ lunch boxes tomorrow, I’m too tired to do it after working overtime shift. And do your homework, I don’t want teachers complaining to me that you are neglecting it for football. I’ve really got no time for that.” With that, she shuts the door.

And oh, the ache in his heart has grown and involuntary tears are falling down his cheeks. Growing up, his parents have always scolded him for crying, so he tries to never cry. At least definitely not in front of others. But sometimes, he finds himself in situations like this, when his sadness just overpowers every inhibition.

He never understood why his mother’s simple actions are always the ones that reduce him to tears. For some reason, George’s punishments hurt less. At least they hurt his heart less. He wishes his mother could care for him more, or even love him. And that’s why he is still trying. To be perfect, to make her proud. Maybe one day, it would be enough, and he would finally be worthy of her love.

He scrubs roughly at the tear tracks on his face and forces himself to stop crying. He tells himself that he is not allowed to waste precious time giving in to his emotions, so he gathers himself and gets back to working on his essay. He spends several hours perfecting it, vetting it at least three times more than required. Then, he goes downstairs to prepare the girls’ lunch boxes, so that they can bring it to school the next morning, just like Mariah wants it. 

He rubs at his tired eyes as he peers at the digital clock pinned on his kitchen wall. It is 2.12AM and he has a football match tomorrow.

***

It is Wednesday, one of the days where the boys all share a common lunch period. They are eating together in the cafeteria and Louis and Niall are talking about the football match they are going to play later in the afternoon.

“This school’s good, like actually good. Last year, we tied with them. But I think we are better this year, so we really got a chance.” Louis says.

“I hope so, you have been pushing us really hard.” Niall laughs. 

“Hey! I do it out of love.” Louis pretends to pout.

They continue bantering back and forth as they eat their meal, and the other boys laugh along with them.

Harry is excited for their football game later, but also worried about Louis as he knows that the older boy is still injured. He observes the older boy a little too intensely, so much that he has to remind himself to look away from Louis from time to time and continue to eat his food. Louis seems genuinely excited for the game, even though he is probably still in a lot of pain, and he is eating more than the previous time. Harry is glad, as that probably means that his sides are hurting less now. He doesn’t know that George made Louis’ injuries worst the night before, but Louis thinks there are some details that Harry can be spared from knowing. As time goes by, Harry relaxes and eases into the conversation, as Louis seems to be genuinely enjoying himself.

The football game is on home ground, so Harry meets Liam and Zayn immediately after school to secure a good spot at the stands. As football is one of the school’s niche sports, the stands tend to be filled with people, especially on important matches like today. They manage to find the perfect spot - under the shade of the tree and one row away from the field. There is still around 15 minutes to go before the match begins, and the two football teams are doing their own ball drills on the field.

“So, you and Louis have been pretty close huh?” Zayn says, teasing clear in his voice.

Harry had come out to the other boys 2 days after he told Louis, not wanting to have to hide such an important part of himself. The boys had been really supportive, and they never treated him differently with that new piece of information. Harry remembers the warm feeling that he felt in his heart and how accepted and at home he felt. From the moment he and Louis got together, they have been meaning to tell the other boys but there hasn’t been a good time in the past weeks and rushed school lunches didn’t seem like the best time for such a big reveal.

Harry isn’t about to tell them without Louis either, so he just blushes and nods.

“You guys are very cute together, you know.” Liam pipes in, causing Harry to blush even further.

  
“Guys…” Harry pouts as the other two boys laugh at him and change the conversation topic.

***

The whistle blows and the match is in full swing. Louis, as usual, is in the starting 11 and he is immediately manoeuvring the ball swiftly across the field. Although Harry has been a frequent spectator of Louis’ trainings and games, Harry has never watched Louis play against such a strong opponent.

“Wow, you really see how good he is when he plays against a good team.” Harry can’t help but praise.

“Yeah, mate. Last year, during the semi-finals, they were playing against one of the best teams in town, and he practically brought the whole team to victory.” Liam says.

“Is he born this good or what?” Harry says rhetorically.

“Surprisingly no. When we were little, I remember him crying because all the boys at the kids’ league were much bigger and better than him. Well, look where we are.” Zayn says, being the one who knows Louis the longest.

“Oh, really?” Harry is shocked at this new piece of information.

“Yeah, but he practiced really hard especially in primary school. Loves football with his life, this guy.” Zayn chuckles.

Harry wonders what he would have been like growing up with Louis.

***

During the game, a player from the opposite team, much bigger than Louis, rams into him, causing Louis to be awarded a penalty kick. The whole school’s eyes are trained on Louis as he prepares himself for the free kick.

“Is he okay? He looks like he’s in pain. He also looks really tired.” Liam says, eyes trained on him.

Harry looks at Louis and he knows exactly what Liam is talking about. It is probably going unnoticed to the rest of the school, but they are Louis’ best friends and boyfriend. Harry wonders if Liam and Zayn know anything about Louis’ home situation. They must know right? Afterall, they’ve been friends with him for so long.

“Yeah. Is he usually like this?”

They pause their conversation to watch Louis make the goal, as they and the rest of the school erupt into cheers.

“Around footie seasons, yes, I guess. He doesn’t go easy on himself and his family doesn’t either.” Liam replies a long time later, after they have calmed down from the goal.

Harry is confused for a moment but snaps back into the conversation.

“What do you mean by his family doesn’t go easy on him?”

“They are really hard on him, like they expect him to do the chores, take care of his little sisters while balancing footie and a heavy academic load. I guess I understand? Because his little sisters are like…the youngest, the twins, are like 5? So yeah, but still.”

“Yeah, sometimes we try to help him if possible, but you know Louis…ever so independent and always helping others instead of getting help.” Zayn adds.

“Oh.” Harry knows that already. “But is he usually in pain?”

The boys look a bit confused, but Liam says, “Sometimes he gets injured during football I think, because he always trains so hard.”

Harry isn’t sure if the boys don’t know or they don’t want to tell him yet.

***

Eventually, they win the match 3-2 after a very good fight. Louis, Niall and the rest of their time are ecstatic, as seen from them jumping up and down for a minute straight. Harry feels a surge of pride well up in his heart as he watches Louis thank the crowd for coming down to support them.

_That’s my boyfriend, right there!_ He can’t help but think, smiling.

The crowd clears and the three boys wait for Harry and Niall to finish their debrief. All five of them go to the ice cream shop that Louis loves to celebrate their victory. Harry stays close by Louis all this while, unable to resist his urge to make sure he is okay. The boys have a great time together, talking about the highlights of the game and looking forward to the upcoming Winter holidays. 

“Can’t wait for the annoying exams to be over and for the winter holidays to be here!” Niall says animatedly, in his token Irish accent.

“Are you going back to Ireland?” Liam asks.

“Yea! I can’t wait. To see my mum and my old friends. But I will only be gone for 2 weeks.” Niall says.

“See you during the other 2 weeks then!” Harry says.

“Yeah definitely.”

“We should totally go ice skating one day or something!” Louis says.

“Brilliant idea, bro.” Zayn says.

They talk about other plans for the holidays, as they eat their ice cream. Niall eats an entire waffle with 2 scoops of ice-cream, as he says that the game has made him famished while Louis eats half of his chocolate mint ice cream and feeds Harry the rest despite his protests.

***

Harry and Louis are walking home together after parting ways two streets ago with the rest of the boys. The rowdiness of hanging in a group of 5 boys has died down, and the two of them are walking peacefully side-by-side, sharing conversation, and enjoying each other’s company.

“I’m so proud of you, Lou. What a great game today.” Harry beams.

Louis blushes, not good with taking compliments even though he gets them frequently.

“The team was great. Couldn’t have done it without them.”

“And you are the captain, therefore, you are great!”

Louis laughs and shakes his head.

“You looked really tired though.”

“Hmm, really, when?”

“On the field, sometimes? And during the hangout with the boys, a little bit too.”

“Guess I just slept late. After you left, I had to cook dinner, do my assignment and prepare the girls’ lunch boxes. Took a bit of time I guess.”

Harry remembers what Liam told him earlier that day.

“If you ever need help, let us know okay?”

“Okay. Can’t really though, mostly family stuff.”

“Yea, whatever it is though, I will help if I can, yeah?”

“You are too sweet. You are my boyfriend, not my helper. Don’t worry about me.”

“S’just sad watching you so tired, Lou.” Harry pouts.

Louis grows sad, realising that he is doing the one thing he doesn’t want to – bringing Harry into his mess.

“Haz, I’m sorry. Dating me must be the least fun thing ever, cause like, I’m always so busy and I don’t really have time for you. And like, I am such a screw-up so my parents are always mad at me and then you know what happens…George…yeah, and then you get sad because…”

Harry suddenly kisses him, just eager to cut off Louis’ self-deprecating ramble. Louis is startled, before kissing Harry back.

“What was that about, love?” Louis teases.

“Don’t want to hear you talking about yourself like that, Lou. You are amazing, you are not a screw-up.”

Louis laughs softly, “Sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Harry says it casually, but there is a much deeper meaning involved. He wishes the older boy will realise that not everything is his fault and he doesn’t have to carry the weight of the world on his tiny shoulders. But he doesn’t want to hear the protests that will come out of Louis’ mouth.


	11. chapter eleven

Harry can’t stop thinking about Louis’ self-deprecating ramble. It was just so out-of-character of Louis, who is usually so self-confident and happy. Harry begins to doubt if all those moments were even real, but in those moments when they are all hanging out and Louis is laughing, making small crinkles by his eyes appear, he can’t bring himself to believe that Louis is faking it. He supposes that there is just a lot to Louis that he hasn’t quite figured out yet, and as much as he wants to pin Louis down and demand answers, he knows that Louis is inherently an incredibly guarded person, and he appreciates the effort Louis is already putting in to be open with his boyfriend.

Instead, Harry tries to keep an eye on him more, to be more sensitive to these seeming “mood swings” that Louis might face. Even if that makes him seem like a creepy stalker.

At lunch the next day, Niall is talking with his mouth full, rattling on about what happened in his Biology class that day.

“…yea, and Mrs Paterson got so angry she just stormed out of the class and never returned. Dropped some coins on the way out too.” Niall giggled as the boys laughed.

“Oh, she’s your teacher! She taught me Biology last year too, remember how temperamental she used to get?” Liam nudges Zayn.

Harry watches as Louis laughs and interjects at all the right timings. When the attention isn’t on him, Harry notices that Louis tends to look a little distracted, as if a lot is on his mind. He is also pushing his food around his plate without really putting any of it into his mouth.

“Hey, hey” Harry is rudely brought out of his trance by Niall, who is snapping his fingers in front of his eyes.

“Hmm?”

“Who are you so distracted by, hmm?” Zayn teases.

Harry blushes and quicky digs into his food, knowing that the bell is about to ring.

***

It is the day of their last match before football season took a break for internal exams and Winter.

“This game should be an easy win. But don’t tell Louis I said that. Got scolded when he heard me saying that. Because ‘all opponents should be taken seriously and there is no room for complacency, Niall.’” Niall mimics Louis jokingly.

Harry thinks it’s amazing that such a good player like Louis is still so humble under all circumstances.

“Where _is_ Louis anyway?” Harry asks. Louis is missing at lunch that day and it isn’t like him to miss out.

“He says he is meeting a teacher to consult about his essays. Told us not to wait up.” Liam says.

“Oh. Doesn’t he need to eat?” Harry frowns.

“I think he will grab something when he is free later.” Zayn says.

“Don’t look so worried. He tends to use lunch breaks to meet teachers. That’s how he is one of the top scorers plus top footballers, you know?” Liam says, noticing Harry’s face.

“That’s how those two aren’t mutually exclusive for him.” Zayn laughs.

***

Even though it is an “easy game”, Harry still decides to go down to support Louis and it seems like Liam and Zayn feels the same way. The game is scheduled in the late afternoon, so they have some time to kill before the match. Zayn brings them to his art studio to study and shows them the art piece he has been working on for the final A Level submission.

“My teacher says I should try to work on something a bit different to set myself apart. So, ta-da. This is my attempt at abstract art.”

“Wow it’s beautiful, Z. What’s the meaning of it?” Liam says.

“I will tell you when I’m done with it.” Zayn teases.

“He hardly shows anyone his artwork. So, we are lucky.” Liam turns to Harry, feigning whispering.

“Very honoured.” Harry says.

Although he said it in a light teasing tone, he remembers how Zayn showed him his art pieces back on the first day of school. Sometimes, he wonders if Liam and Zayn were just forced to hang out with the new kid because their best friend Louis wanted to. But it’s times like these he realises, he got really lucky in his relocation to Doncaster.

***

“Alright lads, this is our last game before season break and I want all of you to give everything you’ve got!” Coach Nelson says, just before the whistle blows.

With that, the main eleven players run on the field, eager to play a good game to start off their season break well. Louis expertly makes the first interception of the game, and the competitive spirit fills the air.

Mid-way through the game, Louis seems to be struggling a little, straying from his usual form. Coach Nelson immediately picks up on it, yelling at Louis endlessly when he misses vital defences. They are holding a solid lead of 4-0, but Coach Nelson never allows his players to let their guard down and he expects perfect plays for every game.

Louis looks visibly affected as Coach Nelson continues shouting at him and he makes the reckless decision to ask for a pass even though it is not 100% safe. As expected, a player from the opposing team rushes up to him to intercept the ball, but accidentally knocks into Louis. It’s not a violent shove, and so everyone is surprised as Louis falls to the ground and blacks out.

Harry, Liam and Zayn gasps in shock, and Liam had to physically hold Harry back from running on the field to Louis.

“Harry, don’t. They will take care of him.”

“Ugh, no. Fuck, they don’t. Louis was clearly feeling unwell yet their coach still kept yelling.”

A million thoughts are running through Harry’s head but there is one dominant one – George must have had gone too far and hurt Louis last night. He has watched Louis play through his injuries, but surely there must be a tipping point.

A few teammates quickly carry him to the side-lines, where he regains his consciousness. A medic swiftly attends to him while his teammate got subbed in to replace him. Louis gets benched for the rest of the game as he is deemed unfit to continue strenuous activity. The medic tried to get him to go to the school nurse, but Louis refused, insisting on staying with his team until the game finishes. As colour has somewhat returned to Louis’ face, the medic begrudgingly agreed.

Even though the game is indeed a sure win, Louis can’t help but feel guilt with every second that passed. He is the captain of the team, yet he is sitting pathetically at the side-lines, watching his team bring him the victory. He thinks he really doesn’t deserve to be captain if he can’t even take care of himself properly.

The game officially ends and the boys are released after a quick debrief. Louis stays behind to talk to his coach, feeling the guilt of the evening eat him up on the inside.

“Uh…Coach. I’m sorry for blacking out just now and being unable to play. And for having such bad plays all day. I promise to do better.” Louis says, eyes focused on the floor.

“Louis. Don’t be sorry for something you couldn’t control. Rest up, and you will be back even stronger, okay?”

“Okay. I will. I’m sorry, I will be a better captain.” Louis says in a low voice.

Coach Nelson has been coaching Louis since his secondary school days, and Louis has captained all his teams. While Louis is an exceptional player and a very confident young man, he has grown used to such moments where Louis can be reduced to an insecure bundle of nerves, always so self-blaming. Coach Nelson can be a hard man on the field, but ultimately, he still cares for his players’ well-being.

“Louis, you are a good captain. But you have to take care of yourself, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you, coach.” With that, Louis quickly excuses himself. He doesn’t understand why his coach didn’t give him what he deserved and lash out at him, but he supposes he is grateful.

***

Harry is pacing back and forth outside the locker room, as Liam and Zayn try to calm him down.

“Oh my god, why is he taking so long!” Harry vents.

“Calm down, Harry, he is okay.”

“No, he isn’t!”

“I think he just has low blood sugar or something like that. He passed out a few times during footie before over the years.” Zayn tries to help.

“Wait, what? Then how is he still playing! Who is still letting him play!” Well, it doesn’t help.

“Harry, we know that you care deeply for Lou. He probably doesn’t want you to be so worried about him, yeah?” Liam says.

Harry is caught off-guard, realising that the boys are not shocked at all at his overreaction.

“Uh…yeah.” Harry says, suddenly stopping his pacing.

“Don’t look so scared. We know.” Zayn smirks.

“Yeah, when were you going to tell us?” Liam says.

At that moment, they spot Louis leaving the locker room with a heavy expression on his face. Harry immediately runs up to Louis, pulling him into a hug.

“Oh my god, Lou, are you okay?”

“I am, I am. Sorry for worrying you.” Louis says, before turning to Liam and Zayn and repeating his apologies.

“What happened?” Liam asks.

“Probably low-blood sugar. I’m okay.”

“Better stock up some sweets in your bag. I will bring some for you tomorrow.” Liam says, ever the problem-solver.

“It’s alright lad. I’m okay. Let’s go home, yeah?”

Harry sticks close to Louis as they walk home, fearing that Louis might pass out again. When Liam and Zayn wave their goodbyes at their street, Harry stops walking and holds Louis’ hand in his.

“Was it really low-blood sugar? Or did your stepfather abuse you again?”

Harry doesn’t miss Louis’ flinch at his crass choice of words.

“No, Haz. He didn’t. I’m fine.”

“Really, he didn’t hit you? You know you can tell me anything?”

“No, my wounds are healed. Mostly. I know, thanks for caring for me love.” Louis continues walking and Harry follows.

“Okay, then rest well tonight, please? Don’t overwork yourself with studying or with household chores. Your health is important.”

“Okay, I have finished my chores, so I will be able to rest. Don’t worry about me, Haz.” Louis tries to reassure.

“Can you call me tonight?” Harry says as they are nearing their house. He can’t explain it, he is just feeling a little more needy after witnessing what happened to Louis that day. He wants to hear his voice, know he is safe.

“Sure, love. Talk to you soon.” Louis gives him a quick peck on the lips and enters his house.

***

“Hi Hazza.” Louis’ melodic voice comes through the phone.

“Hi Lou.”

“Sorry I took a while to call. Mum was yelling at me for coming home so late.”

“But you went home immediately after the game.”

“Yeah, but it’s later than usual, you know?”

“Oh. But that’s because you have the game.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that.”

“Oh, but you have been having games these few weeks.” Harry frowns, although Louis can’t see it.

Harry hears Louis let out a deep sigh from the other end.

“Yeah. She doesn’t really keep track of my footie stuff.” _Or any stuff, in fact._

“Oh. Did you tell her?”

“No, it’s okay, she’s really busy with other stuff.”

“You should tell her though, especially since footie is such a big part of your life.” 

“It’s okay. I’ve tried before, but she’s not really into footie. I mean, I guess it’s more of a guys’ thing.”

“I hope she knows you are super good at it though.” Harry tries to comfort as he hears Louis get a bit sad.

“I’m really not.” Louis says, letting out an accidental pained laugh.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just got reminded that I let the team down today.”

“I’m not following… Lou…you have a health condition, how is that letting your team down? You couldn’t help it.”

“Harry I-, I don’t know, it just is.”

“It’s not, believe me. You will be back leading the team to victory after the break is over.”

“Yeah, I guess we just have to focus on our exams now. So, how was your day?” Louis changes the topic.


	12. chapter twelve

With two and a half weeks left until internal exams begin, there is a distinct shift in the atmosphere in school. Every corner of the school is filled with students studying for the exams and pestering teachers for consultations. Initially, that got Harry a little worried, but he realised that they were mostly seniors. The students in his year were significantly more relaxed compared to them. Harry notes the stark difference between secondary school and sixth form - he could have sworn he and his friends were still playing around weeks before their GCSEs. Oh well, Harry guesses this school is a good influence on him. After all, he was always the type to need a little push to do well in his studies.

Mostly, Harry is just glad that Louis is able to catch a break from football for a while. As much as he knows that Louis loves football with all his heart, he can tell that it is a very demanding part of his life. And selfishly, Harry is also glad he gets Louis more to himself. Even if that just meant studying together.

Harry watches as Louis flips through his thick law book, and practically buries himself in it. Neat notes are splayed all over the dining table, as Louis furiously writes more. As much as he wishes that their study dates consisted of more fooling around and less studying, Harry knows that Louis is an exceptionally driven person, and he wouldn’t want to be the person to ruin that for him. In fact, he is finds it endearing - how hard Louis works and how much effort he puts into everything he does.

Harry opens his Literature text and almost yawns instinctively. If only he had _that_ much drive.

**

They are sitting on Harry’s front porch, taking a breather – one that Harry had to literally drag Louis away from his books for.

“Louuuu, you study too hard. Isn’t it nice to just relax on a porch?”

“It is! Sorry I just get very carried away with doing work.” Louis lets out a small, embarrassed laugh.

“Are you stressed?”

“Yeah, a bit. I should’ve studied more during football season. What about you, are you okay?” 

“I’m probably _too_ okay if I’m honest.” Harry laughs. “The people in your year are insane.”

“I know! It’s just our A Level year man. ‘S important.”

“But you’ve been doing so well, you’re definitely going to do well for it. Don’t be so stressed.”

“Mm, not really.”

“What do you mean?”

“I kinda need a scholarship. And that’s pretty hard to get.”

“Oh. Football?”

“Yeah, that’s hard to get too, so. Am trying for academic ones too. Don’t know.” Louis shrugs, but Harry can tell he has put a lot of thought into it. Thoughts he wants to hear.

“Ever thought of football as a career? I mean, Uni isn’t needed for every job.”

“Harry, you truly overestimate how good I am.” Louis laughs.

“Really?”

“Yea, really. UK is filled with good footballers, with way more talent. Besides, I want to be a lawyer.”

That's the first time Harry has ever heard of that. 

“Wow really, that’s amazing. How come?”

Law strikes Harry as one of those careers that people pursue only if they have passion. If not, it’s way too much work.

“I wanna help defend kids. Because I think they are usually too young to really know better or seek help. They need someone to help them.”

“Defend kids? From what?”

“Um, abuse, and neglect, and whatever other stuff.” Louis suddenly sounds very small.

“Does that have to do with what you are experiencing at home?” Harry blurts out before he could even remind himself of the concept of tact.

“Umm…”

“Hold on, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just say that.”

“No, it’s alright. Um, kind of? Like I always think about how kids have it way worse than me. And that makes me want to help them. So, kind of, but not really?”

“You are having it bad. Do you not think so?” Harry frowns. He doesn’t even know close to anything, and he thinks it is bad.

“Some kids have it way, way worse. I think I’m fortunate.”

Harry wants to argue, but he doesn’t see the appeal of trying to convince his boyfriend about how bad his own life is.

“Anyway, what about you?” Louis changes the topic. As usual.

“I’m not really sure yet. I really like Literature at the moment, so I might pursue that. But at the same time, I love music so maybe I want to work in music production. And hopefully be able to make my own music at the side.”

“You totally should make music! It’s not just because I am your boyfriend, but you are actually good, I feel.”

“It’s just ‘cause you’re my boyfriend.” Harry teases. “But really though, the band I’m with at school is thinking of just self-producing some songs. One of them has some simple recording equipment at home. Who knows.”

“That is sick! Please do, please do. Who knows, you might be famous in the future.” As usual, Louis is way too excited and supportive.

“Please, what are the odds?”

  
“They are good. I look forward to this future.” Louis beams.

“I am in your future?” Harry half-teases, watching Louis blush furiously.

They differ in this distinct area – Harry is so open with his thoughts and feelings that he is almost transparent. Louis, on the other hand, is a lot more guarded and tentative. Harry doesn’t understand why, and it frustrates him at times, yet he is also learning to be more patient.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

Louis is silent for a while, as if contemplating.

“You know…I think about the future a lot, and I always want to go there. But every time I find myself dreaming of it, it’s more like…it’s better because it’s not the present. There are things I want to do, like get a law degree and be a lawyer but ultimately when I picture my future, there isn’t much happiness in it. But when I met you, I’m beginning to think maybe I could be happy. I don’t know, maybe I’m not making much sense.”

Well, maybe Harry was too quick to judge, because here Louis is, sharing his thoughts and feelings willingly for the first time ever. And for someone like Louis, who puts in extra effort to appear happy all the time, admitting he is sad more often than not is a big thing.

“You do, you do make sense. I’m super touched, Lou. I want to be happy with you too.” Harry smiles, resting his head on Louis’ shoulder. Louis responds by holding Harry’s hand in his.

  
“Do you think that will really happen? I worry, because of our family history.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…my parents are divorced, your parents are divorced, like, no offence or anything, it’s just quite matter-of-fact to me. I’ve seen my mum have many husbands and boyfriends. My own dad…eh, I just can’t help but be a bit cynical.”

“I know what you mean.”

“Yeah, I thought you’d understand.”

“For a long time, I was really afraid of even the idea of being with someone. I once had a girlfriend, and I mean, other than the fact that I’m not straight,” Harry pauses to let out a small laugh, before turning serious again. “The other reason why it really didn’t work out was that I always had some underlying anxiety? No joke, literally every day, I’d think of how much it’d hurt when it ends. Because my parents’ marriage didn’t end very well.”

“What happened?” Louis asks.

Harry frowns, thinking of it, and Louis rubs his thumb over Harry’s comfortingly. Nobody has ever asked him about it before, and he has never talked about it with anyone before.

“Mum and dad were pretty happy when I was really young. Then there started to be this weird tension around the house. I didn’t really understand it, but I just felt like mum and dad weren’t really happy anymore, and they always seemed two seconds away from a huge fight. Well, then afterwards, they did start getting into huge fights all the time. It was constant, every single day.”

Harry shudders, his mind wandering back to when his house used to be filled with conflict. He had felt so trapped, with nowhere to escape. Especially when Gemma would go to her friends’ house to play, leaving Harry all alone, hiding in his room. He forces himself to come back to the present moment and continues talking.

“I remember just being upset that their own marriage caused my parents to be so upset. Especially my mum, she’s such a kind soul, you know. She doesn’t a bad bone in her body. But I think…I think my dad cheated on her or something like that. I’m not very sure, we didn’t talk about it.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, baby.” Louis says.

“It’s okay. I’m glad my mum is happy now. I guess she just needed time to find the right one.”

“Mm.” Louis hums. “I’m happy your mum’s happy too.”

They sit in silence for a while, watching the sun dip beyond the horizon. The sky turns a glorious shade of pink and orange, and the golden glow of the sun falls on their skin. Harry thinks it’s ironic how the end of the day looks so beautiful while the end of most things is so ugly. He looks at how Louis’ hands were still clutching his tightly, as if he didn’t want to let go. Despite what they have been conditioned to believe, he hopes they never have to see the end of this.

“Does this - us - make you feel that same anxiety you felt back then?” Louis suddenly asks, worry evident in his voice.

“No, it really doesn’t.” Harry immediately replies, as if there is not a single doubt in his mind. “And I’m not just saying that. You give me a really homey feeling, like, I feel very calm around you.”

Louis lights up, his demeanour shining brighter than the sun-rays – if that is possible.

“Aw, Harry. I feel so at home with you too.”

**

Not long later, Louis has to leave as it is almost dinner time and he has to rush home to cook dinner, as well as help the girls with their homework. Harry watches as Louis hurriedly packs his bag before giving him a quick kiss goodbye. Louis is always on the move, always doing something. He is always needed by others - be it the football team, his friends, his parents, the girls. It is as if being productive to please others is all Louis ever knows. Harry is thankful that he gets to see Louis in the rare moments where he is calmer and more relaxed, when the weight of the world is not pushing him to get up and do something.

**

“Louis Tomlinson, look at the time! I have work in an hours’ time, yet you are late to help me prepare dinner.” Mariah yells from the kitchen.

Louis reaches home and is immediately shocked back into reality. He had lost track of time for a moment at Harry’s and is 10 minutes late for dinner preparation. He scrambles into the kitchen and immediately gets to work, as Mariah continues to mumble insults at him under her breath. George comes into the kitchen to grab a beer, and he stares at Louis before sharing a disapproving look with Mariah.

Louis looks down sadly and concentrates on chopping the carrots in front of him.

_How can a person feel so much more like home than this place?_

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, comments are appreciated :)


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